I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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