Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
