Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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