can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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