chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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