I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
