why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
