At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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