Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
