i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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