I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
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