There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
