I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
