Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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