There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
