2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
