it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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