Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
