just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
