the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
