Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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