It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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