She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
