Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
