I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
This is my gift to your gina
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
