Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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