what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
