Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
