Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
