i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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