so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
