I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
