a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
