Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
