Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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