if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
