you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
