i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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