I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
