then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
