McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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