i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
