take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
