Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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