you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
