I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
