My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize