I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
