i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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