I am in a vortex of obligation.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Randomize