Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
