i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
