Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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