drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Randomize
