The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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