dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize