I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
