there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
