I'm passing your future prison.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
