Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
