I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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