so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
