the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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