everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
