She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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