We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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