so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
