i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
