Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
