break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Randomize
