I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
