So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Randomize
