I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
