No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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